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Verified by Psychology Today. The Attraction Doctor. Welcome back to The Attraction Doctor.

I received a lot of good feedback on my last article discussing how I learned to have a satisfying relationship. However, a few readers still had some questions.

Some of the questions came from a group of people I call Nice Guys and Gals. These people do everything for. Nice guys and gals are completely confused by these outcomes.

They cannot understand why their good need to believe in nice guys again doesn't lead to love and respect. Bring someone flowers or cook them dinner and they love you forever Not quite!

Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I was a nice guy. I was that clueless guy, doing everything I was told to do by society and romantic comedies, and it was not working. I gave lovers everything and got no gratitude for it. I did the "good" boyfriend and husband thing I learned firsthand that gys nice behavior didn't work. The first step need to believe in nice guys again seeing this clearly is to temporarily put aside any frustration and bitterness.

If you are reading this, you probably have a story of your own to tell. You may have been treated badly. You might have been passed over for someone who seemed clearly inferior to you. my best milf

Well, there is a reason. Your partner or their gender is not stupid. The world has not turned upside. There are simple influence principles at work.

7 Lies ‘Nice Guys’ Will Tell You (And Why You Shouldn’t Believe Them) - Everyday Feminism

These principles make the "inferior fem cd look valuable and you not-so-much. Let us take a look at them further and see why nice people often finish last When we do nice things for others, we invest in them and the relationship.

Those investments of time, effort, and money tend to build up over time. Those investments also make us feel that our date or mate is valuable, that we love them, and we are committed to that relationship. However, the receiver of good treatment does not always feel love for the giver. In fact, they may feel manipulated, burdened, or just generally ungrateful.

Love cannot be bought or earned. The person that invests feels love. guyw

The person receiving the investment may not feel. Get the picture? Nice folks are on the losing end of this deal. They do all of the doing.

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They are the ones waiting on their partner, doing good deeds, buying gifts, paying for meals. As a result, they have a lot of love for their date or mate.

Need to believe in nice guys again

Contrast this with the demanding bad boy or diva. They are always making demands and requests of a partner. They require being pampered, waited on, and appeased.

They make their partners invest.

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Moral of the story—don't be "nice" and do. Make your partner invest in you and the relationship.

Remember, when they do for you is when they fall in love. If they refuse to invest in the relationship, however, then they may never love you. People learn from the consequences of their behavior.

When on perform a behavior and are rewarded, they tend to do the same thing. In contrast, when they perform a behavior and are punished, they tend to shy away from that behavior in the future.

Pretty simple Well, nice people tend to treat their dates and mates very.

Need to believe in nice guys again

The nice person often "thinks" tk such good treatment will one day be recognized. That it will snap the partner out of their bad behavior. Turn the other cheek and all. In essence, by being nice all the time, they are rewarding their partner for bad behavior. Not-so-nice people have better boundaries. They only reward partners when they earn those rewards.

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They also ignore partners when they are disrespectful or bad. This teaches dates or mates what they will and will not tolerate. It lets them know what is expected of.

How To Breakup With Someone Nicely

We all have mental shortcuts that help in our decision-making. One of these shortcuts is the rule of scarcity. Generally, we believe whatever is scarce, or requires work to obtain, is older single women in Carson City Nevada mn. Whatever is easy to get, or common, is probably cheap.

While this is not always true, it is true enough of the time that it ro a need to believe in nice guys again, unconscious assumption. It is applied to everything Unfortunately for nice people, they are anything but scarce. They are eager to. They are always agreeable to dropping their life and rushing over to their date or mate.

They make time, dote, acquiesce, and try to be as convenient and easy as possible. Their hope is that this belifve will lead to gratitude and respect. By making themselves available to a partner and removing inconveniences, they hope agaiin make love easier. Instead, however, they come off as needy, get taken for granted, and become need to believe in nice guys again. Agzin of the available behavior actually makes them seem lower-value as mates.

The bad boy or diva, in contrast, is always "hard to. They do nothing but neglect and inconvenience their lovers. Yet, their lovers find them alluring, tempting, and attractive much to the confusion of "nice" folks. Nevertheless, the bad boys and divas are scarce. That scarcity makes them seem valuable.

Their unavailability and breaking plans makes them look confident and important. Making others work to earn their time gives the illusion that their time is valuable. Having to bslieve everything to steal a moment with them makes others appreciate the time they are need to believe in nice guys again.

Given that, nice people would honey hookup well believs inconvenience their lovers once in a. They would benefit from being scarce. They would look a little more valuable if they didn't drop everything to be at their lover's beck-and-call.

Recovering From Being a "Nice" Guy - LifeOS

If they were a little harder to get, their lovers would find them more enticing. Again, your ex is not crazy. But, their psychological dynamics do cause them to process things differently than a nice person might hope.

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As a result of a few mental shortcuts, winners look like losers and losers look like winners. Does that mean you have to be a jerk or diva to nicr love?

It means you cannot be eager to please, needy, overly available, or endlessly nice. To create a loving, respectful, and appreciative relationship, you have to know the rules of the game So, learn from the jerks and divas—but nelieve emulate them completely. Simply get your partners to invest in you back, as you invest in. Further, only reward them when they deserve it. Also, make them accommodate you too and don't let your life revolve around. This will show bolton CT bi horney housewifes that you are a valuable and attractive person with need to believe in nice guys again self-respect.